I've been spending too much time on the computer lately. Way too much time. Obviously it's not been spent blogging but I've been looking for crafty projects to make, reading new blogs, chatting with some good friends and even...wait for it...working. Shocking right? I know. But still it's all time that I really need and want to spend differently.
The truth is that I've felt sort of blah lately. Not depression or anything like that just blah. I don't feel inspired to craft anything so instead I spend a ridiculous amount of time looking for more things to add to my ridiculously long to do list. I think part of the problem is that with trying to open my Etsy shop I crafted like a mad woman and I'm burnt out. There are actually completed items (some even photographed) just waiting to go into the shop and I just don't want to upload them. Thats nuts right? But I just look at the list of things that I wanted to make for the shop and the list of things I want to make for my girls and I realized that more things were being made for the shop. Why? So that (if they actually sell someday) someone else's kids will enjoy them while the things my kids would enjoy are still sitting, unmade? Really? Something about that just doesn't sit well with me right now. But that's a whole other post for another time.
Or the fact that even though I'm getting work hours in (when it feels like cooperating) Kinsley doesn't understand the difference in me working and just playing on the computer. And likely no one else does either. I hate feeling like I have to fit it so many hours during the day when I want to play with my girls but then if I don't do them during the day I'm up late at night and then tired and cranky with them the next morning. Or if I try to wait until the weekend so the hubby is home to play with the girls then I miss out on quality time as a family. Or I don't worry about work and enjoy family time only to feel guilty later for not working enough.
It's making me a nut and making me want to retreat inside my head and just avoid it all, hence the blah. Which is not what I want or need to be doing. Just like at the park this week when Kinsley wanted me to jump from bench to bench under that beautiful tree and be a fairy with her. I hate to admit to the world that my initial answer was no. In that instant something clicked though and I just thought to myself...WHY NOT? When did I become this person? I immediately jumped up and ran around being a fairy with my beautiful little girl. And you know what? I had the best time. These are the memories that I want to create with my girls and the things I have been putting on the back burner in recent weeks for a variety of, quite frankly, stupid reasons.
They are both growing so incredibly quickly and I feel like time is just slipping away from me. So, it's time I make a switch. From this moment on, all those stupid distractions are going away. Some of you may have already noticed some of the changes I'm making. The computer is not going to be utilized during the hours my girls are awake unless it is for something directly related to them. The hours I do get in for work are going to be after they are in bed and even then I'm not going to stay up all night doing it. Maybe that's not the right decision for my financial reality but I'm 100 percent certain it's the right decision for my mental and emotional reality. I mean really, am I going to look back one day and say "Damn, I wish I had worked more"? Not likely.
I'm still going to craft but it's going to be making the things that I have been dreaming of doing for my girls, or the things Kinsley has been asking of me. I'm not saying I won't be putting a few new things up in my shop. I will still be trying out new designs and ideas but they will certainly not be put at the top of my list. Is missing out on some of the holiday shopping season the best idea? For the business, probably not. For our family? Definitely.
I will still be blogging. In fact I might actually be blogging a bit more. I thoroughly enjoy it, it's theraputic for me. Not to mention that I love to go back and look at some of the older posts and pictures and remember the different things going on in our lives. Don't be surprised to see a lot more family related posts in the future. It's time for me to refocus my energy on the things that matter most in this world. No more letting the comments of others about our life affect me. The hubby and I are doing what we feel is best for *our* family and we will continue to do so regardless of what others think is *right* for us. I will no longer let outside pressure and influences distract me from the absolute blessing that is being a stay at home mama to these two beautiful girls. They are only little for such a sweet short time and I am determined to drink in every moment possible.
I want to say thank you to all of you that have stood by me during recent weeks as I've contemplated and discussed and changed things. It warms my heart to have people like you in my life. I am truly blessed.